Light Fade

Dec. 29th, 2012 03:39 pm
shinano: (Default)
 Is it bad that I fell in love with you again?

It can't be right? I mean, you are the one drawing me to love you again.

I thought I got over these feelings, but I guess not.

 

My heart can only think of you.

My mind is always wanting you.

I'm always waiting for you to come.

I'm just wanting you again.

 

Is that bad?

 

I know I shouldn't fall in love with you, but even so

my feelings cannot be contained. 

It's everything about you that is drawing me back again.

I know I shouldn't fall in love with you, but you're making all these feelings come back.

And you're making it more easier to fall in love with you each time we talk.

 

I want to be more closer to you.

Even though our distances are far, I know our minds and hearts aren't.

But even so, I know you're in love with someone else.

I know you love her too, but sometimes I want to question; would you have wanted to go out with me?

 

Selfish? Greedy? Arrogant? Ironic?

Call what you want, but no matter what, I'll always have these feelings for him.

I don't want them gone because it's these feelings that are keeping us tied.

 

No matter what happens, I want to keep you with me.

Stay by my side, and hear me when no one else can.

 

I don't want you to disappear yet. 

Not yet.

At least, not right now.

Stay forever.

And never leave me.

Is that too much to ask?

 

We started with a simple "Hello"

and I don't want to end with a hurtful "Goodbye"

 

Your voice soothes everything in me.

My pain.

My feelings.

My heart.

My soul.

 

I want you to stay.

 

Even if you don't want to accept these feelings of mine, that's okay.

Because...no matter what, I just want to keep things the way they are now.

 

So I'll ask again.

Is it bad that I fell in love with you again?

shinano: (Default)
 In this world, there are many things we can say to one another.
It can vary to many things such as hate, love, sadness, anger, and more.
But it all just ends up being lies to us all.
Words of love can be turned in to words full of lies in each and everyone.
Words of kindness can turn into lies with hate and anger.
Words of lies can hurt others.

" I love you " are full with lies within.
Words can leave marks within, not without.
To say without meaning is more hurtful
than to say with no meaning at all.

Cherishing empty beliefs.
Gasping onto false hope.
Smiling on unhappy events.
Crying in the darkness alone.
Forever inflicting painless pain.

Everything begins to fall into the bitter deep ends.
Wishing for anew, the prayers of ours never will be answered.
Forever wanting to be happy.
Wishing and believing into nothingness of the empty, dark, cold world.
All words are words of lies.
 
shinano: (Default)
So, when I found out how UTAU works. I then gave up the next instant because otos are WAAAAYYY to hard to edit. LIKE WTF! HOW DOES IT WORK AND LIKE I NEED TO RE-RECORD MIRA'S VOICEBANKA FNWEIOFJWEJIOWJWEIOFWJ I. Am. SO. Lost. Q7Q)!

BUT. I'll keep trying with utau *^*)! Trying to figure out how to edit an UST and how to do all the non-less fancy stuff desu

o7o Uhmm....idk. I need to get my Servant of Evil story up and get going on other stories / poems/ etc. 8D;;
shinano: (Default)
I'm just watching a dude play music on a mobile because I don't feel like being productive today LOOOOL //shot OKAY I tried today, but just didn't feel like it lol I'll start like Thrusday and rush on all the things I need to do lol *lazy* =3 =) What...?! I'm trying.

EPIC MAN PLAYING PONPONPON ON CELLPHONE >D

Day 4

Jul. 20th, 2012 03:14 am
shinano: (Default)
Kay. I'll just say it. I WAS NOT PRODUCTIVE TODAY LOL Not one bit 8D;; orz

;n;) I'm sorry, I really wanted to finish this video. And then I derpped for most of the day playing games! LOL

bjawoigwjwio I AM SO UPSET WITH MYSELF I KILLED GARRY QAQ) NOOOOOOO COME BACK GJWEOIFGWEJOWEIJ GARRY!!! MARRY YOU B*TCH D< QAQ)9 WHY YOU DO THAT TO HIS ROSE GJWEOIFJWEIO WEHYYYY WHYYYYYYYYYYYY WFHWEOIFJWIOJ QAQ)99 F*cken hate you.

So. I finally got the time to get Ib, the horror game. Oh god, wish I could have record it for you guys but nope 8D; I screamed so much in it lol It was scary and had a lot of puzzles, but it was very fun lol XD I liked it! Not....not the ending though. ;n;) I want an ending with Garry. LIKE I REALLY DO. NOT MARY. NOT FOREVER ALONE. I WANT GARRY AND IB! >w>); I-I'm not shipping. NOpe....maybe.... 8D;;;

But like, got the game around ten o'clock. At first it was just me playing, but then I got my little brother interested in the game too lol That's why it wasn't THAT scary >D ;w;) I was playing it in the dark and my mom was asleep....I was damn loud. Thank goodness someone else was playing lol ;-;) Some of that shit is scary at like 1am - 2am in the morning! SCARY SHIT THERE LOL

But like, all in all, I really enjoyed the game. It was fun. Scary. And totally worth it! I loved it...aside from the endings I got. ;n;)9 I'ma get a happy ending! IF ONLY I DIDN'T F*CKED UP ON THAT PART QAQ)9 STUPID ME!!! STUPID VJWEIOFWEJIOWEFJWEIOJ GARRY <3333 R.I.P. I WILL FOREVER REMEMBER YOU QQAQQ)

Ahem. But, hey if you're interested in playing Ib here is the link for you guys! Have fun!

( In the end, today wasn't a so productive day 8D; Edited the video I wasn't suppose to work on. I played with my birds. Played Recettear. Went shopping for super cheesy headphones. Played Ib. And like stayed up till 3am in the morning again BD; Smart person here...orz )
shinano: (Default)
 To reach, to pray
these calls that I make
are forever in silence
they once again shatter

I stand here once again
looking left to right
gazing upon nothing
seeing a monochrome world

A colorless world,

The smiles I smile everyday,
are just for image, a show
A display
Nothing more.

Happiness can never reached
my heart again
It was there once,
but not it's forever gone.

Everyday, a prayer is made,
All is heard but mine

 To reach, to pray
these calls that I make
are forever in silence
they once again shatter

The echos that are made
within my voices fade
in a monochrome world

The calls never reach
my voice fades.

Days going by, slowly hearing
a ticktock of a clock
Time began to stop
in the world.

People move onward toward nothingness
We don't have reason to live in the world,
rather we find the reasons to 'live' in this world
Opening, and closing to a colorless world

To reach, to pray,
these calls that I made
are forever in silence
They once shatter again

My voice begins to fade slowly
The calls of my prayers shatter
Away into this monochrome world!

Empty World

Jul. 4th, 2012 06:57 pm
shinano: (Default)
 I used to be able to smile
I used to be able to laugh
I had everything I thought
I could have
But it was
all a 
lie.

I don't exist anymore
No character
or personality
Just a hollow body

Feelings don't exist in me
that much
Hate
Anger
Sadness
Pain
Jealous
All that's left to feel
is all the negative
parts of life.

I may have a name
But it means nothing
to my eyes or heart

Friends?
I pray I have some
But in reality,
I don't.
None.


The world is cruel
Indeed it is
But even so,
I can't stand
how alone I'm always am

It's painful
It hurts
and scary.
I don't like this feeling.
But everyone no
longer sees me anymore

I cry alone to get
rid of my loneliness
and
hurt myself to forget
But never works out

In the end,
I'm just a
forgotten
life no one
cares about
shinano: (Default)

 
     Today was the day was the 11th of October. I looked at the calendar and remember the special day that occurred today. It was the day where I got to really express myself more than often. The day was still clear as I can recall to this day.
“Mira, hurry otherwise you’ll be late for school today! Get along and hurry for the bus now.” Mom shouted from the kitchen.
“I know, I know Mom. I’m going!” I shouted as I ran past the kitchen. Just before heading out, she comes running after me and asks 
“Mira, what about your breakfast?!” I looked at her, and instantly she knew I didn’t have time. She responded back, “Here is your lunch. Make sure you eat all of it Mira.”
“I know Mom,” I hugged her before leaving and continued “I’m off now!”
Running off to school since I missed my bus, I begun to run like my life depended on it. There is no way I’m going to make it to school on time at this rate. Why does school have to be so far away from home?!  Without paying attention of where I was going I bumped into something making the result of me hitting the ground hard with a scratch to my elbow and legs.
“Are you alright ?!” a voice shouted from above. I gazed up and to see the blinding light hit into my eyes. 
“Y – yeah,” covering my eyes from the bright sunlight I see a hand reach out from nowhere. As an act of kindness, I take the hand that reached out to me. “Sorry about that,” I said once getting on my feet “Didn’t mean to run into you. Was rushing to school.”
“Ah, no, it’s cool. I should be apologizing. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was riding my bike.” The voice said gently to me. I looked around and saw a bike on the floor with a bag of books and school supplies. Taking consideration, I look up to see who the kind boy was. His brown hair was short and wavy like, but it was also a spike style. His gentle emerald eyes gaze gently upon me. His face was an adult like face, but was sweet and caring. Everything about him would be what girls would call “Prince charming”. 
“Oh, is that so,” hiding my red face from him “I uh guess I should get going. Well, uh see you.”  Without giving a final thanks, I took of instantly with my bags and books. Having a tug back from my arm I turn to see what was holding onto me. It was the boy.
“If you want,” he says looking at my cuts on my leg and elbow “I’ll give you a ride to school on my bike. Just hop on the back of the back seat.”
“Oh no! I couldn’t! I’ll be—”
“You’ll be late at this rate if you run. Come on,” he grabs my arm and forces me to ride the bike with him “better hold on tight.”
“Okay…” I turn flourish red happy that he isn’t able to see my face. Within an instant, the motion of the bike begins to move faster than I imaged. Scared, I clutched to his waist. I was pretty sure I heard a soft chuckle from him. This is awkward; I should start a conversation or something I thought to myself. So without thinking, I blurted out loud to him “What’s your name?!” and then, regretting it I hid my face in his back knowing that was a stupid way to start the conversation with anyone.
“Hahaha, is this an awkward situation for you?” he gently said to me turning his face towards me. Without being able to respond, I hid my face once more from him. He laughs once more, and answers back to me “Kyo.”
“Kyo…what a nice name…” Blushing I close my eyes and held onto him through the whole rid to school. Not a single word came from both of us from there.
Reaching school, I thank him and begin to run off to class. He shouts back to me “What about your cuts?! You should at least head to the nurse office first!”
“These aren’t anything to worry about! These are just small scratches Kyo!” I shout at him and begin to run once more. Before heading into the main doors, Kyo shouts out to me one last time,
“Wait! I didn’t get your name!” 
Stopping at the door I turn to him softly saying from the other side, “My name is Mira,” I turn back around and shout to him “It’s nice to meet you Kyo!”

     With school ending for the day, I walk towards the nurse’s office to tend to my cuts, that I received.
“And this is the last of them?”
“Yeah,” I reply back to her “thank you.” I take my bags of books and walk out of the office. Heading out of the front door, I see Kyo waiting in front of the bike racks. He looks at me and smiles gently. Turning flourish red, I smile back at him, and begin to walk towards him. “Shouldn't you be at home by now Kyo?"
“Not really. I got free time after school. What about you? I thought all of the students were required to join a club?”
After school clubs…I’d rather not do them is what I wish for or so I thought to myself. “Yeah,” I said quietly “I’m in a few clubs here at school. Aren’t you going to join one Kyo?”
“Nah, not into any of the clubs the school has here. What clubs are you in?”
“Oh, just in the gardening, art, band, and literature clubs.” I reply back to him shyly. And begin to look around trying not to make contact with him. Nervous I said to him, “Well, I after go now. I need to meet up with the other members of the gardening club. So I’ll uh talk to you later Kyo?”
“Of course,” he smiles at me “I think I’ll start heading home now, so I’ll see you tomorrow Mira!” He begins to get on his bike and move away. Before he’s a few feet away, he suddenly stops and turns to me and asks “Can I have your number? Though, I know that maybe…a weird question of me to ask of you…”
Turning flush red at him, I look down towards the ground and nod my head slowly. Exchanging numbers with each other he takes off and waves back. Shouting “I’ll be sure to text you tonight if possible okay Mira?!”
I wave back at him and stand there until I can no longer see his body figure. Heading towards the gardening club, I hurry with the daily routines of my club activities. Smiling through for the rest of the day.
Reaching home, it’s now 21:25 and I begin homework after a few minutes of resting from the long day of school work. When suddenly my phone received a text message from someone. None other was it Kyo who sent it. “You doing homework now?” I gaze upon the message and reply back “I’m about to just start, what about you? Did you finish yours?” After a few minutes of no respond from him, I drag myself back into homework. And for the rest of the night, he didn’t respond back.

Waking up from a brand new day, my phone rings. Incoming call was from Kyo. Should I hang up on him? I thought to myself Nah, I really shouldn’t…That seem kind of mean just because he didn’t respond back to me. I answer the phone and comes out a loud “GOOOOOD MORRRNING MIRA! I wasn’t sure when to call you, so I just took a random guess of when to call you. You usually up by this time?”
I laugh aloud to him and say, “Usually, yeah, I’m always wide awake by now. What about you Mr. Energetic Kyo? You always this energetic about school and waking up this time of day?”
“Ahaha, depends on how you want to see it. Now, open your window. I want you to see something.”
“Is this something you want me to see a thing I want to really look at?” I ask a bit nervous of what I’m going to be looking at.
“It’s nothing scary or bad Mira! Come on, open your window. It’ll be something memorable for you.” Believing in him, I walk towards my window. Pushing the curtains away from my window comes at me is the blinding sun that rises usually about now when waking up. I say back to him on the phone, “Okay,” covering my eyes “what is it that I am supposed to be look at now?” He softly laughs on the phone and replies back, “Do you see it? The tangy orange that radiates on the plain world? The soft round object that hits your eyes, making your soul and heart— ”
“Feel warmth within…” I whisper aloud on the phone. Astonished by the scenery that was in front of me, I couldn’t but help realize for the first time of the beauty the world had on the sky for me. With no words to say, Kyo calls my name 
“Mira,”
“Y – yes Kyo…?” The silence hits after I respond back to him. After a few minutes of no answer, I tried to break the silence that was between me and Kyo. But with nothing coming into mind, we both just stayed in line with nothing to say to each other. After a while, Kyo said something. But I couldn’t hear, so I asked him to repeat it once more.
“Oh, it was nothing,” he says aloud and happily on the other end, “I’ll catch you at school Mira!”
“Yeah! I’ll see you at school Kyo!” and we hung up on each other. Gazing at my phone then looking back up at the sky, I take hold of my phone and hold it upwards towards the “soft round object” that Kyo referred to as and took the wonderful picture of it. Sending a message to Kyo, I write to him, “Thanks for showing this to me. It was a wonderful sight for me to see.” Attaching the image with it, I send the message to Kyo. In an instant, he replies back with “: ) you’re welcome Mira. See you at school.” And smile happily at his text and begin to get ready for the new day at school.
“Hey Mira, did you do that math problems from the text? 86-93? Were we supposed to skip any problems?”
“Yeah. We were supposed to skip 91 and 92. Did you do those problems on accident again Kel?”
“Awh man! I knew it! I should have texted you before I started it. Man…wasted efforts on two stupid math problems! I should have just wrote it down like the teacher told us to do.”
“Awh come on! It’s more practice for you Kel.” I patted him on the back making him feel better. He turns at me and smiles happily. After a few minutes, the teacher walks in signaling another school day has begun. The teacher begins to lecture, when suddenly my phone vibrates in my bag. I usually don’t get messages during the day on school. Mom and dad know better than to text me. But…what if it’s not mom and dad? What if it’s…Kyo? Nah, he would know better than to send messages during the school days. I thought to myself. But, what if it is mom and dad…I should just check in case. Taking a risky chance, I open my bag while the teacher is looking away. Flipping open my phone, I read the sender’s name Kyo and thought I was seeing things when really in reality, it really did say Kyo. 
“Come to the library. There is something I want to give you.” 
I thought he was crazy, so I replied back to him “Kyo! Class is going on at the moment. Can it wait for later?”
He replies back with “LOL No, it cannot wait. Please?” Closing my phone instantly, I look around hoping no one saw or heard anything from me. The happy feeling wanted me to go and see what he was going to give me. The other good girl feeling wanted me to say and not go see Kyo. But of course, without thinking, I raised my hand, and said to the teacher “C-can I go use the restroom?” Looking at me funny, the teacher nods her head slowly at me and continues with the lecture. 
Slowly walking towards the library, I see Kyo standing in there. Opening the door, I walk in. He turns around, showing his big gentle smile. I smile back at him. Walking towards me, he hugs me. I turned a bit red about the sudden hug unsure if I was supposed to hug him back during something like this. After a few moments, he lets go of me and takes my heads. Heading towards the chalk board, he suddenly stops and gives me a small box. Surprised, I look at him confused.
“What’s this?”
“Something for you.”
Looking at him, I slowly take the box, and open it up. “Oh my god…Kyo this is…” surprised, I look closely at the pendent that was in the box. Slowly taking it out, the blue gem pendent shines through to my soul. The kind color, the shape, and the crystal were everything I so could have wanted as a pendent. Confused, I look up and ask Kyo.
“Wait…what is this for? Are you—”
“I know it’s nothing special, and kind of sudden…but, Mira,” he looks downward to the floor “Will you…go on a date with me…?”
Unable to answer, I hold grip onto the pendent and look at him. With lost feelings going everywhere. I just stand there. With the silence of nothingness, I nod my head and whisper to him, “Y – yes. I will…” and clutch onto the pendent proudly. He hugs me and holds onto me proudly like I’m his jeweled treasure itself. 
But not all of that lasted forever. After a few weeks, he descended away with natural causes. It was said he had a tumor that was too late to tend to the tumor build up. 11th of October. The day where Kyo passed away. The last message I received from him was a sad one. I didn’t want to believe it, but without knowing what was going on I can only cry about it every day. But I can smile about it every day too. “Mira, were you happy?” and replying back to Kyo I sent “I was very happy.”

Profile

shinano: (Default)
Shinano

January 2013

S M T W T F S
  12345
6789101112
131415 16171819
20212223242526
27282930 31  

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios